My life has been a series of bouncing from one addiction to another. As far back as I can remember I’ve been dealing with negativity in my life with unhealthy behavior.
My food addiction, I can say now, has been a part of my life more than it hasn’t and My early development of unhealthy, sexual behavior has been poisoning my brain, and literally changing my brain maps for nearly just as long.
My early 20’s is when I began to really explore the darkness of sex addiction, and it led me to ultimately go against my true values and morals. A string of firsts began. Like the first time I cheated on my girlfriend. It wasn’t the last time either. Just like any drug, the craving gets stronger and the shame gets louder. And there begins one of the most difficult feedback loops for an addict.
I couldn’t believe it. I had become the asshole that I swore I would never be. Porn had slowly hijacked my brain and led me to believe false truths about my sexuality and about reality in general.
Lust is the poor/broken mans Love. Lust is perverse and degrading. Demoralizing. Living in lust robbed me of my masculinity. Pure masculinity. The kind that protects and stands up for what is right. It really does bother me how womanizing and pornography is portrayed as a healthy, “manly” way of life. That, to me, is more like male dominance, patriarchal, ego driven, self destructive, sick behaviour.
When That relationship ended I was heartbroken, and through that pain I was able to get a glimpse of myself. I had come to realize I wasn’t normal, and that I had a problem. But I was still in denial about being a sex addict. I sought a sex and relationship therapist who helped me grieve and move on, but I still wouldn’t believe I was an addict.
Shortly after I parted ways with my counselor I had discovered Fasting. Through searching for self-healing methods on YouTube I had stumbled across some very enlightening channels. I found Dan the Man and his channel, Liferegenerator. After learning a bunch, I began fasting for health reasons, not knowing about all the amazing healing potential it would have for the mind and spirit.
Now, I am 30 years old, over 5 years after I did my very first fast, it was a 5 day fast. Coffee and water fast. I know Now, that to properly do a Water Fast one should only consume Water, and not tap water either. Good Clean water. Everyone starts somewhere, and I have grown a lot since then and have Learned tremendously.
To try and condense this post I will be skipping a lot of details, and hopefully filling them in throughout future posts.
I now live a Fasting Focused Life Style, the type that Cole Robinson teaches with his Snake Diet, but I borrow from other methods as well. In November I announced that I would be attempting the No Food and No Porn November challenge. I broke a lot of personal records for myself, and discovered many things about my addictions and my spirituality.
This Challenge has changed my perspective on life and gave me clarity and deeper understanding.
The Power of Fasting has given me the power to reshape my life, and take it back (I like to call it surrendering to a higher power). So many people give me excuses after excuses when I tell them they should try fasting. The fear is baffling. We are humans, designed to fast. How else would the human race still be around today?
It’s not meant to be easy, that’s why its so good for us. Porn is easy, paying for sex is easy, fast food is easy, being lazy is easy. Living with controlled temperature and hot showers has made us WEAK and pathetic. Pitiful. The easy living, yet disease ridden disgrace to the human race. I could go into all the fascinating scientific studies and research out there, but I know Google can do a better job. The simplest way for me to break it down is in the saying “you are what you eat.”
My life, like so many others, has normalized a regular eating HABIT that constantly keeps the body under stress, and yes, makes us Fat. I say Habit, because the body truly doesn’t Need as much food as we are told it does, and the fatter we are the truer that is.
What I really want to talk about is how fasting, when done properly; with daily meditation and Prayer can turn your life around and bring you complete happiness.
Living in addiction sucks the happiness out of you. It leaves piles of shame and lifelessness without love. What Fasting has done for me is hard to describe, but when you give your body a break from toxicity and unnecessary energy consumption true healing occurs in the body and mind. I’m not going to get into the science like I said before. The literature on Ketosis and Fasting is so deep and Vast I don’t believe I need to try and explain it. This is my first-hand experience, my personal truth.
When I was in the depth of my addiction I had no concept of love. All my relationships suffered. The addiction stole my mind and because my mind was stolen there was no chance in hell I could access my spirituality. They say connection is the cure to addiction. What if your addiction is so bad that your brain and body have developed dependency to the addiction? There are countless reasons why we become addicted and an addict like me may be using for so many reasons its hard to count.
Addictions are symptoms of something deeper going on, something worth digging into and learning about. Fasting isn’t just a tool, it’s the way to aligning yourself. It’s the way to homeostasis. The natural, God given way.
So, when I fasted not only from food but unhealthy sexual behavior I began to drastically challenge my mind, Body, and finally get a glimpse of spirituality. Fasting takes you inside, that’s where all the problems are. Deep inside our minds, hearts, body and soul.
Since No Porn November, 2017, I have woken up just a little more. I feel my heart beat more. I feel the air around me more, and I can feel the love that I have for others, and most importantly I am beginning to Love myself the way I wish I would of so long ago.
Peace & Love
Braydon Riley W.