It has been a good chunk of Time since I wrote a blog post. I have been busy, real busy! And I don’t own a computer… what?!?!?! In 2018 I don’t have a computer. It is true and it makes it a little hard to stay motivated to write.
So I need to fill you in! I am going through a major transition right now. I am moving out of my house that I have been living in with Two of my close friends and collaborators Erik and Paul for the past 5ish years PLUS. Big change, but that’s not it. I am moving into a VAN! That’s right, a Cargo van that I am converting into my very own tour bus to take across this great continent.
The year ahead is going to be a challenge full of tests but I am determined. I have big plans for myself and my music. It’s about to get crazy, and I’m crazy enough to do it. SO let the craziness begin. #Vanlife will free me up in many ways to pursue my dream.
My dream for this Van is to use it as a home, but also a tool for touring and finding my way into many hearts across this nation and beyond. I still am an addict, and even today I have to tell myself that I am in Recovery and must rely on my Higher Power. It has been my H.P. that has got me to this place now. A place that I am so excited about. A place full of opportunity. I am Grateful and must continue, EVERY SINGLE DAY, to thank the universe for my countless Blessings, but I must try to count them. These blessings are proof that surrendering is necessary.
Addicts are everywhere. I know them, I am one. When I meet someone for the first time and I tell them that I am a sex addict and then they open up and tell me their addiction or go into a story about something they are ashamed of this brings me so much hope. So many times in the past I hid my true self and denied myself the real connection because of fear (fear of rejection…).
Connecting with people over real things. Personal things. It is a hard truth to learn but being Vulnerable, honest and open has never let me down. That being said, addiction is hard to talk about. Real hard, and a lot of people still don’t understand it, Hell, some people still think Addiction isn’t a real thing. When I encounter these situations it can be very difficult to navigate, especially if they are stubborn and close minded. These people typically don’t have factual evidence or any real argument yet they perceive Addicts as “weak minded”, “losers”, “degenerates”, “social parasites”, “idiots”, and so on.
So that is my grand plan. To go all over with my Van and use it as a vehicle for recovery. Be open to people and share the struggle. So many people still live in the darkness without hope. Not knowing that there are so many more people dealing with the same thing.
I’ll end it with a story that happened to me today. I am staying at my parents place in Cold Lake and I was on my way home after a walk and as I was crossing the road a car drove by with a recognizable face driving. They stopped and I walked around to the driver side to chat. It was a friend of mine I had bumped into just a few weeks ago. So we began chatting. I asked him where he was coming from and he told me he was coming from Church. I was taken-a-back for a moment. My friend was a hard Atheist last time we chatted about religion. We didn’t get into too many details because we were in the middle of an intersection. He told me things happen, and God moves in mysterious ways. Now since his conversion his life has been radically changed for the better.
This got me thinking about the 12 steps. Our old ways keep failing and for some Psychotic reason we still think we are in control, yet we fall into our addiction, time and time again. It is time to admit Powerlessness and Surrender to a new way, a Selfless way. Whatever that way is, for this friend it was Catholicism, but it can be anything. The greater good, the Universe. Love.
So thanks for reading. I’m just an addict sharing my story. Shedding a little light on my dark shadows. I hope it brings some perspective and I hope to spread some HOPE.
PS. You can follow me on Instagram where I post content more often.